do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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