just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
