If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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