Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
