I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
