"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
