I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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