Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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