Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
