Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
