I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
