Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
