R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
