the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
