I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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