He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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