my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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