We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
