Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
