I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
