does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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