Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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