I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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