The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
