Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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