All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you win again, gameday.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
