Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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