After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
