wakey wakey hands off snakey
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
