Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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