I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
