So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
