I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
