Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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