i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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