But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
