there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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