Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
