and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As shirtless as possible
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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