Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
