She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
