standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
