there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
