My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
