Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
