your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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