I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just found puke in my bra..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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