There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
