remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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