If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
