So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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