I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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