I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
